So, after after nothing particularly exciting or inspiring happened in my life, I have suddenly become so excited about my up-coming trip. I am completely aware (as is my bank account and my neurotic mother) that I have yet to do many things in preparation, and still I am not anxious because of this. All I am feeling in regards to the trip is this deep pitted feeling of excitement!
I guess, now that many of the difficult and trying events in my life recently have begun to dry up and become less of immediate problems and more dull remembrances, I am thinking much more clearly than I ever have. I am in the final stretch of course work for my last semester here at Grand Valley, I no longer am in an environment of constant self-consciousness, and upon assessment of demons I have battled with for years, I am surely on the road to recovery and new adventures.
While living in what some might consider a "dark time" in my life, I took every opportunity to be worried or uncertain about my motivations for this trip to Spain. "Am I using this as an escape?" "Am I running away from the 'real world'?" "What will I do when I get back and actually have to consider big life decisions?" These were steady and pressing concerns on my mind for many months. And now, somehow, those doubts and fears have been alleviated. I am not even sure when or why that has happened, but in place of the more logical and rational worries, I am simply feeling excited and antsy.
Maybe this is simply a phase in my long-term struggles, but even if this high is temporary, I am okay with it. January 27th can not come soon enough.
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